eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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