hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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