it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
