if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
