The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
And then he peed in my hair
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