New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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