hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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