Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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