Your face is a jimmy john
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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