There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
