I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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