After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
