I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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