Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i wish my penis had a tongue
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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