how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
