Me too!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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