...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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