Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
