dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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