I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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