I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
