operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
