he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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