I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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