You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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