shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
We smell like vodka and hangover
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