at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
