Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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