mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
