You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
