A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
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I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
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He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You were trust falling into bushes
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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