I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
