I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
