You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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