The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
