how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
