The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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