Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
