another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
