i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
