On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
