does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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