Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
