There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize