I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
