he told me I talked like a deaf person
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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