we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
