hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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