I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
