you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
