the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
