I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
