well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
