He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
