If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i already hear my dad disowning me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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