We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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