mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
