He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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