Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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