He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
