you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
