He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
