season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
