i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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