Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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