no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
