It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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