I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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