Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
