omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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