i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
