worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Randomize
