I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
